Now before we get carried away there are a few terms and conditions attached (I reserve the right to add to these terms and conditions whenever I like and that means things may change):-
1) If I gave you a discount off the published rate you don't get free beer.
1a) Please re-read the above
2) If you booked 20 rooms you still only get ONE £5 voucher - not 20! - you should have booked them separately using different voices, names and debit cards :)
3) If you have clearly had enough to drink you can still spend the voucher but only on pop and crisps!
4) Actually scratch that - if you have CLEARLY had too much to drink what are you doing in my bar anyway - GET OUT!!!
4) No cash alternative - I am not a bank.
5) You only qualify for this if you mention the phrase "have you, by any chance, got any free beer" at the time of booking. You only get one chance - if you mess it up and say "have you got any free beer, by any chance" I'll deny knowledge of this offer and charge you extra!
6) Only qualifies on telephone bookings (when I can be arsed I'll put another section on the booking form - but until then - telephone only). Update: - OK I added a box near the bottom of the online booking form - you can now do this online - watch out for those typo's!!
7) Can only be used when making the booking with Doug. Anybody else (urm that would include Mandy) can't seem to grasp that we are in business and have a published tariff and we don't, actually, work on the first price that comes into our heads. If Mandy takes your booking I need to verify it before you qualify for the voucher. Note to prospective tariff dodgers here - Mandy frequently overquotes as much as she underquotes. You might want to ask for Doug if you want free beer.
8) The voucher has no monetery value. I dont really know what that means (I mean everything has value, right?) - I just saw it in a newspaper advert and thought I'd better cover myself from the nutters who WILL try and get this knocked off their room bill because they are "teetotal". Actually if we were in the USA I'd have to put something like this voucher is worth 0.0000003 cents. But we're not.
9) This list is not complete - as the crackpots, you know who you are, try and work a scam on me for this offer (ie try and get even more free beer) I'll tidy up the loop-holes.
10) The voucher cannot, absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, be used towards your accommodation bill. If you try I'll just add a £5 on to your bill every time you try. And I won't tell you.
11) No. I wont be bringing out an app for this.
12) It goes without saying that you actually need to be staying with us in order to use the voucher. No doubt I'll get some legal eagle wannabee who'll get shirty and demand I supply them with free beer but because of the inclusion of this particular term and condition I reserve the right to laugh in your face. Bwahahahaha
13) In case you are wondering why you didnt get the offer please see our tariff here. If you accepted the published price at time of booking and then as long as you got the phrase correct and are over 18 (see term #14) then you'd qualify. If you ring back 5 minutes after making your booking because you only just found this page I'll be referring you to our "Free Beer Terms and Conditions Number 13". It's tough at the top. You missed it. You need to quote the phrase "have you, by any chance, got any free beer" ...AT THE TIME OF BOOKING.
15) This offer is valid until I change this line.
16) If these terms and conditions seem a bit stringent then you can always purchase a voucher here. The cost for the £5 beer voucher is £6. Feel free to order as many as you want without the need for these trifling terms and conditions.
Frequently Asked Questions regarding the Free £5 Beer Voucher
If I promise to give you a good review on TripAdvisor will you give me another £5 Free Beer Voucher?
No. This is against TripAdvisors terms and conditions and we will absolutely not be party to such skullduggery. If you're not getting the message you may want to have a word with me at the bar Joke Alert - we dont buy reviews.
I will give you a bad review unless you send me a £5 Free Beer Voucher immediately.
Frankly, my dear....
I am disappointed I didnt get the £5 Free Beer Voucher
Frankly, my dear....
I would rather have an extra sausage at breakfast
Oh. You're on the wrong page. You need to be on this page which explains how you qualify for extra free sausages.
I got the phrase wrong and you won't give me a voucher?
Can I refer you to our terms and conditions in particular term number 5
Yeah but my friends all got one.
No. You can buy one for £6 so you wont feel left out. Alternatively book another room.
I got the voucher but someone knocked my pint over
Extra vouchers can be purchased at the bar for £6
Oh. Can I have a cloth please
My name is Gurpinder Pabla - can I have my beer voucher please
Nope. Ya barred.
T: 01253 290501
Just like to say thanks for a lovely stay at your Hotel, excellent, pleasant staff, nothing too much trouble. Breakfast lovely, Room really clean and comfortable. Would highly recommend it to anyone thinking of staying here. Will be back next year for the darts. [View more comments]